PLAIN JANE

having to finally realized that i have made a stupid decision by letting you go is painful . i let you go for i thought he is the one . but apparantly , he is not . eventhough i am fully aware that if i come back to you , asking for another chance , you will take me back , in a heartbeat . because that is just how you are . you love me , after all this while . i cant . i cant be asking for another chance . i dont deserve you . i have hurt you , said too many terrible things to you . and still , you are there . waiting , hoping for me . you are there even after i said that i love somebody else . you are there , not pushing me to love you back . but you prayed for me to be happy even if its not with you . and i guess i was stupid for asking you to move on .  its not about the person i want , its about the person who is willing to be with me no matter how bad i am . and its you . you were there even how bad i was . i dont deserve you . i keep on hurting you . i dont deserve another cha

what a beautiful date today is . the feeling of being rejected by you is ..... unexplainable . it hurts . but somehow , i survived the heartbreak . aku tak paksa kau terima aku . aku tak paksa kau bagi peluang kat aku . i just want you to hear me out . and i want you to stop avoiding me . thats all . you rejected me because you said that i was too good for you and that you dont deserve me and that i deserve better . look , that is the stupidest reason i have ever heard , no joke . why can't you be better for me ? fight for me and just stop ignoring me ? i think that was not the reason . i think that you dont want me at all . and you said all of those things just because you dont want to hurt my feelings . i dont know man... i missed you . i missed you alot . i pray to Allah if you were not meant for me then bring you away from me . and then here i am , typing in a different country . is this it ? i missed you . and i am slowly letting go . i am slowly moving just like you aske

you stopped eventually . and i am not prepared . i thought you will like me forever . but haha lol at me , forever just does not last forever right ? i totally forgot . there's no forever in real life . i like you . i was about to tell you that i like you too . that i want you too . that i would love to go further . but i guess , its true that people gets tired of sad person . i am a sad , messed up person and that explains why you have stopped . and i am mad . i am mad at myself . for not be able to reach up to your expectation , to not be able to become the person that you used to like . i just.... failed at that . and yeah... it hurts me alot . eventhough i try to deny it . im trying , infact im trying hard . i guess i have to move on right ? from you , from this feeling . i am sorry . i am sad , that i will never be enough for you . even though how hard i try , i will never be the girl you want . and you will always be the perfect guy . and i hate myself for that . i got it o

i am sorry that i am too cold sometimes . but you know what , i am only seventeen . and so are you . there are so much more we will experience . you might like me at this point , but you will meet a lot of people . you will find someone else as time develops . it is not that i do not like you . to be honest , i do like you too . but i have to hold my heart tight and keep my aim straight so that i don't easily fall . my heart flutters sometimes when you stared at me and pays attention to me . its just that i cant tell how this is going . and i am scared most of the time because our hearts are easily change . and i am probably the most hurtful and hateful girl you will ever encounter . everytime i see you i just wanted to scream out loud a lot of why's questions . why do you like me ? why dont you tell me straight ? why cant you see the flaws in me ? why do you still want to play with this deadly game ? and i am afraid that one day , when i develop a feeling of liking and i sta

i am definitely an introvert . so there's some facts about me that you probably should know . first and foremost , i am a loyal lover . kalau awak still ingat , masa kita together dulu , selalu saya yang terlampau sayang . saya yang selalu terlampau care pasal awak . yes , i loved you a little too much . saya terlampau sayangkan awak sampai satu tahap , awak tak hargai pun saya . you started to believe , even if you hurt me once or twice or even thrice , i would still take you back and apologize even its not my fault . i am so stupid . why ? because i loved you so much . that i am scared you might leave me just because of a silliest reason . i am an introvert so i have so little of people that i trust , that i can tell my problems to , that i can cry with . and you were one of those people . you know my secrets . and you were everything to me . but then , at one point , you decided to abandon me and leave me hanging , dont know what ive done . you broke me .and i am that kin

i cried . i dont know why but this kind of thing-friendship is really a sensitive matter for me . i dont like it when i have a fight with my friends or if my friend is mad at me . i will be super sad and i feel like i wasn't good enough . i mean , why are you even mad at me ? where did i go wrong ? did i hurt you woth my bad words ? did i give you no food ? i didnt . but why are you ignoring me ? why are you doing this to me ? you treat me as if i have no feelings at all . i know i am a bad person ad that you are an angel compared to me but let me remind you that i am still a human afterall . i do have feelings  . so what makes you think you have the right to treat me less than a human ? i am sorry if i ever hurt you . why must you talk about me as if i am a devil . yes , i sin a lot . i admit that . but i, myself , do have an intention to be better . and the fact thet everybody backs you up and take on your side , really hurts me alot . i know i am still considered as a newcomer