PLAIN JANE

  izinkan saya meluah perasaan . sometimes , people they don't really tell the truth because it hurts . somehow , when people say they like you they don't . they just want to make you feel better about yourself . and when they come crawling to you when your tears started to fall , they come not to comfort you . they wanted to know your problems . they don't want to help . they wanted to know . just like me . when a friend said i am not a terrible person , Allah shows me she's lying . i knew it just by looking at her face . it's full of hatred . here i just want to apologize if i ever did hurt you . i always do . but please , stop ditching me . stop dismissing me . it hurts . maybe i seem like i didn't care much . but sadly , i do care . it's bleeding . i cried because i no longer can  hold my tears . the feeling of betrayal is overwhelming . hence , i think its better if i stay away from them . well , i hope we're really going to Yaman . i hate scho

 Ya allah . tahu tak macam mana rasa dia bila kita first tengok someone tu , then dia senyum . bukan senyum biasa . senyum yang mampu buat kita cair secair-cairnya . aku tak pernah suka senyum orang because for me , i think smile is something that can hide a lot of things which is pretty scary . but this time its different . his smile like , lights up my whole world . i know its damn cheesy but , its true . the last time i met him was a long time ago . i think i was 12 years old i guess . he's my age . well , i don't know . out of the blue , my heart started to pound . i was trying hard to not look obvious or obnoxious . his smile is indescribable . it's like the whole galaxy equals to his smile . yeah , i'm cheesy .  moreover , smile is something that can bring happiness not only to yourself , but to others also . and for you , please keep smiling . your smile is priceless . yes , finally that's the correct word . thank you for smiling . bak kata Dash from

i break down twice today . it was very embarrassing . i just couldn't help myself . i really think i should stay away because I am the problem . maybe if i stay away from people i will hurt them less . i mean , i won't talk to them or do any physical contact . lol . i need to stop being so weak and childish and no to mention , so evil . i can't let my tears come out anymore . i need to be strong . not for the sake of vanity but for my own good . this is about pride . they don't worth my tears . but tell me , how could i stay strong if people always ditch me ? well , maybe all of these bullshits are the kifarah for every single bad things i've done in the past . it may seems like i don't give a damn about people ditching and dismissed me but deep in my heart , i bled . i felt so unwanted to be honest . and sometimes i think i am not really important and they are happier without my presence . i want to deny this fact so bad , but sadly its the truth . i'

little did i know , people tend to get bored with me easily . not to mention i also can make them hate me . as i said for the zillions time , i am a hateful person . i don't really care about others . sometimes i wonder why i am so fond of hurting peoples . i mean , i hurt them n purpose . i want to seem them flinch because of my words . i am curious about will they hurt . i am terrible to be honest . but it's not that i don't want to be better. i do , seriously . i am always trying . i usually overcome my terrible manners by telling myself , " this is sin " and to my suprise , it works somehow . when i ask my friends , they told me , i am a bad person . my words always hurt them. and they don't really care anymore . well , maybe because they're used to it . i think so . to be honest , i did some research on myself , on me being hateful . lol . i found out that i am depressed . whut ?!?!? yeah . i am loud but i can change my self into a quite pe