PLAIN JANE

lately i've been inspired by those beautiful pictures of abs and hourglasses body on tumblr and twitter . you know , i am not skinny but i'm not that fat . i'm not fit . once my guy cousin said that i looked big for my age and i was kinda shocked and yeah , quite upset . my mom is very productive and take seriously about getting fit and slimming down and exercises stuff like that . so i told my mom that i am not happy with how my body looks . i mean , there's lots of extra fat on my belly which i hate wholeheartedly and i wanted to get rid of them . my waist isn't that small . also my thigh . so i've been working out like crazy . i workout every single day . i do cardio for 30 mins and some abs builder exercises for 10-15 mins . i also have been cutting down carbos and i eat vegetables more like salad and fruits . i love it . i could feel i am getting fitter (?) . maybe my cousin's word is a good thing . i mean he's the one who inspired me to lose we

man , it has been a very long time since the last entry . i don't actually know exactly what i'm going to write . but yeah , some things have changed . people around , friends and many more . everything seems so fucked up . eventually , i've been fighting back tears countless time already . now i don't even know who my real friends are . they somehow , just gone . disappear . one of them betrays me right infront of me . i don't know whether she means it or not . and now i'm used to it . i don't really care now . i hope i'm not having depression . because if i do , that's not good . i a pretty sure that mom's gonna hysterical and i don't want that to happen . i love her and i try not to hurt her . i've hurt her so many times already . i need to stop . stop hurting people . my parents especially . i'm done . so fucking done. to be honest i got my own therapy which is by reading . i swear books literally lead me to another world . i