PLAIN JANE

one thing that i have learned in life is , never love too much . because a person is never guaranteed to stay forever in your life . forever just... never lasts forever . i always remind myself that i deserved to be happy even when others tell me the opposite . i can be happy even the world turns upside down because being happy is your own choice . you do not let other people make choice for you , you do it yourself . and i know that it is okay to be sad , but it is not okay when i am stuck in that same pain and not moving on . it is unhealthy and will turn my soul black . i learn to say no even if it kills my heart but i would do anything it takes just to make myself feel glad about myself . the way i look , the way my flaws are all over me , the way others talk back about me , i just... dont care anymore . i just want to live my life . even though i will ended up being alone and everyone turn their back against me , i will keep moving forward . someday , a person will come into ...

actually there's a lot of things i want to talk about . i feel like the burden inside me is kept in the deepest part of me and it just simply grows . i feel sad but i dont know how to express it out . i feel like the heartache is eating my soul . i am not sad because i am lonely , i am fine being alone . i am actually happy that i have finally moved on from him . him who has left a big impact to me . actually i have to thank you that you have taught me some lesson of life . thank you . i am no longer feel mad or angry at you . the anger and hatred has disappear already . i feel nothing , the special feelings are not there anymore when i saw you . not like that i have liked somebody else , but its just that i have realized that we are... not meant to be together . and i am completely fine with it . and i am happy for you when you have someone else . i hope you are doing fine and i hope you treat her with the love she deserves and always appreciate the littlest things . i hope ...

i miss writing . i miss the sound on my laptop's keyboard . i just miss the feelings when writing something that is truly from the deepest part of your heart . there's a lot of things that i want to write out . about friends , life , studies and... love . I am always that one friend who is heartless . you know what , i just do not care if i dont have friends or that my friends walk away from me . Its just... normal cycle of life for me . i will also walk away and move on and start all over again . i do not need friends to tell about my heartaches that seems to have no end . i can keep it all to myself . i can keep it . i am a lone ranger form the very beginning . i can live alone because i am an introvert . how about love ? well , the situation is same to having friends . i just do not care . i can live alone . and plus , boys are stupid . they are immature . i hate being in a relationship because all it ever did is just destroy me and gave me headache . i cant be with a pe...

i am that kind of friend whom once you hurt me , i will definitely walk away , just taking precautions i would say . i am so tired of getting hurt and betrayed that i cant bear it anymore . i am sorry but i am so fucking tired of saying sorry . i am cold-hearted , yes i admit that . i am too hurt . by him , by my bestfriend . yes , i have got used to it but still , the pain is still there to be honest . i feel so stupid putting other people's need before me . because they do not appreciate me and they left eventually . which is sad . once i love , i love with all my heart . i gave my everything when i got a bunch of lies in return . it is not fair but i still hoping that he will come back . he didn't of course . he acted like nothing happened which kills me inside . he found someone better . and ever since , i start to move on and i just dont care and i am cold and i dont give a fuck about him . i forgot about him completely . i have locked my heart and threw the keys far away ...

i used to have a crush on this guy who happens to be my neighbour . we used to play together all sort of fun games . he is 3 years older than me and a very gentleman . after finishing primary school , he went to a boarding school so we no longer see each other . when he came home for holidays , i used to go to his house and ask him to play with me but i guess , he was too shy to play with a little girl like me and he refused . after that , the gap between us grew even larger . i grew up too and we no longer spoke . and his family also moved to another country and i guess i wont be seeing him again . i liked him alot . its hard for me to move on because he is my childhood crush . but you know , eventually the feelings just simply fades away . and i moved on , i forgot all the things about him then after several years , he came back and acted like nothing happened . it hurts me alot . we talked alot through texts and facebook . i talked about how much i hate school and he would comfor...

Last month i went to KL for a short holiday . I stayed at my fav aunty's house located in Bangi . So she and her husband brought me around KL and for the first time ever i went to the famous ikea . My first impression was this will be boring but i was wrong hehe . The feelings are so overwhelming that i took pictures and running around like a little kid in a chocolate factory . I looked around the bedrooms and kitchens and the mini houses ( idk what they call it ) it makes me want to get married and settle down quickly and live in a cute little house and decorate it using ikea's stuffs because damn , they are all so cute yet so simple . I used to be in a brief relationship with this guy which happens to be my classmate (( ew i know )) . I have to admit that i have such a good relationship with him . He is such a sweet guy and he approaches me first and that left me without any other choice . We were together for about 6 months and then it all just feels..... somehow wrong . I...

After months of leaving i wonder how could you have the nerve to come back and act like nothing happened ? You look so stupid calling me sayang and thinking i would take you again in a heartbeat . In your dreams . I am no longer sad and waiting for you . Hell , i even have moved on from you . I dont want you anymore . The word sayang disgust me just because it came from you . I think you should totally stop thinking you can have me anytime you want and throw me away when youre done . That kind of mindset is sickening so please stop .