PLAIN JANE

Harini dapat tahu satu kebenaran . Yang bunyinya hampir sama dengan satu penipuan . Aku dapat tahu yang aku hanyalah sekadar mainan buat kau . Heh , i didnt expect anything like this . The truth is just too cruel to accept . The fact that you actually play with my feelings all this while , it stabs me right in the heart . I cant cry , i dont want to cry over someone as evil as you . You dont worth my tears . Im too numb . Im too dumb to realise . How stupid i am to fall for someone as sly as you . How stupid i am to fall into your trap and couldnt find my way out . I am stupid . Aku ni hanya sekadar mainan ke bagi kau ? Aku ni hanya sekadar tempat kau merangkak balik bila kau tak diperlukan ke ? Aku ni hanya sekadar tempat bila kau bosan ke ? Semua kata kata kau selama ni tipu ke ? Semua yang kau janji sumpah setia bodoh kau tu , hanya sekadar umpan untuk aku jatuh dalam perangkap kau ke ? Im hurt . Too hurt . I want to scream my heart out . I want to yell at you for breaking me apar...

Sooooo basically midterm exams are here already and im stressing out like crazy . Because i cant cope up with either chemistry or physics anymore . Both are so hard for me to understand !! Like , UGH CANT YOU BE ANY MORE HARDER ?! but yeah , schools are fine . But not the best . Its just fine . Well , probably because i cant tolerate with the craps people've been giving me lately . But yeah , who cares ? Well i dont . Three weeks of exams are just too exhausting . And i have to handle with bunch of homeworks that i barely got time to relax . I got dark circles already hhahahaha thats crazy . I am in need of vacation and luckily , mom already booked tickets for a vacation at Turki !!! Yay . We're leaving next week . Cant wait .

Yeah you can go running around labelling me all you want because i just dont give a damn anymore . To hell with your expectations and judgement . I dont live just to please you . Im tired of trying to fit in with people around by changing myself . Like , i dont have to be a different person just for the sake of fitting in . I dont have to . You and all your pathetic expectations can just go vanish into thin air . I dont care . Kisah apa aku ? Ha ? KISAH APA ? And please dont act like youve known me for years bcs thats just so freaking pathetic . I dont bother you so , stay the hell outta my life .

its somehow feels like i'm going in a circle . over and over again . about to love or not to love . about to accept or not to accept . about to stay or just leave . and im sick of it . im sick of trying to sort out all of this shitty confusing feelings . you're not there when i need you the most . and it has always been me who tried hard . each day , im trying harder . but each day , too , another piece of me dies . i'm confused . i am not sure weather to believe it or to just simply ignore it . because i've had enough of this shit . i've had enough of all these lies . and i am tired of giving myself false hopes . and all i ever wanted was to feel sure about all these things . but now , all i want is to just put a stop into this . i want to get away from you . even its hard . even it hurts but i dont care anymore . because i want to be happy again . i'm tired of being heartbroken all the time . and feeling unsure about this . its tiring . i want to walk...

So it has been a hectic week for me . Ive got my up1 exams and yes , its killing me . I mean , i was never an ambitious person before . I am more to "ah fuck it " person . I wont be staying up late just to study . I mean , come on ! Sleeping is important too .((but its not neccesary when it was a 8 hours long sleep)) . Lol . But i managed to stay up until 1 am just for the sake of addmaths . Muahahaha impressive huh?  Maybe not . But for me , it was . Im acting all nerdy lately . So far , addmaths and chemistry paper wasnt that bad . But bio was . I just hoped that physics paper tomorow isnt going to be mind blowing . I cant tolerate physics and pqs paper in a same day but yeah , DEAL WITH IT GURL !!

Alhamdulillah dah 16 aku hidup . Dan birthday tahun ni yang paling emosi . First, sebab tanpa bestfriends . Dan second , mungkin pandangan aku terhadap ulang tahun kelahiran ni dah berubah . Ye lah , dah besar kan . Takkan lah kau nak harap benda sama je . So , last night ive cried alot while on the phone with mai and roy . I was like literally crying sepanjang on the phone tu hahahaha . And tahun ni punya birthday , alhamdulillah yang terbaik pernah aku ada . Dengan suprise from classmates omg i am so touched . Meh nak cite Hari selasa tu masa sebelum rehat masa bio . Pastu lima minit nak rehat tetiba solihin mintak nak ke toilet . Aku tak syak pape pun sebab ye lah , kau nak qada hajat apa yang peliknya kan ? Tapi yang aku pelik kenapa dia kena pergi berdua dengan isyraf macam ko ni gay ke apa ? Pastu aku dengar je lah mualimah husna explain pasal hipertonik apa sume . Pastu tetiba solihin ngan isyraf masuk bawak kek and dorang semua nyanyi happy birthday . Aku cam hah ?!?!?! Terke...

Hi hi and hi . Alhamdulillah dah sebulan kat smi . For those yang tak tahu , im currently studying in science stream ((which is sadly not my first option)) . And so far , everything is still under control . As you all know , science stream memang banyak subject killer . Addmaths , chemistry and biology . Oh yeah , and physics . Alhamdulillah , so far aku tak rasa terbeban lagi . Stress tu normal la kan . And to be honest , i love addmaths . Sebab dia mencabar and need me to focus all the time . And yeah , setakat ni im the teacher's fave student . Memang classmates semua dah sedia maklum , bila class addmaths automatically i will frown . Hahahaha tu tandanya i am seriously focusing . But biology memang kena rajin baca buku . And i dont take any extra classes sebab prinsip aku , tak perlu tuisyen asal kau fokus . So ill try to pay full attention in any classes . Seumur hidup aku memang tak pernah tuisyen . Because of my anxiety probs also hahaha . Tapi selagi aku boleh bertahan , ...